Thursday, July 23, 2009

Map quest

I had run out of words to say. I had run out of methods to try. She simply was lost within herself. She stopped talking, stopped hoping, stopped praying. Really she stopped living. After all her life was simply to painful to acknowledge so she just avoided the whole topic. I asked if she had tried journaling but she shook her head and told me the words never come. I was unsure what to do.

I felt a need to look in my bag. I sort of felt stupid for doing so i didn't know what I'd find in their that could be of any help. I reached around looking for anything of use. Some books, a crossword puzzle, my bible, my journal and a folded up piece of paper. I took it out and as I opened it I realized it was a map of Edmonton. I had been there a few weeks prior and stuffed it in there. Could this be of use? I laid the map out in front of her and said a silent prayer. I had no clue what was about to happen but i hoped God had a plan here. I started talking about the emotions that she was feeling. I told her to write them out. She said she wouldn't know where to start. I showed her the map and said consider this map your life: pick a spot.

She wrote one word and said she was finished. I didn't say anything. She wrote another then threw the pen down. A few minutes went by in silence. Then she grabbed the pen and wrote almost uncontrollably. All over the map. Names, emotions, thoughts, memories, questions, and more scribbled all over edmonton now showered in her tears.

Now she has it all mapped out, i thought, maybe she could use some directions. We talked about God and who he is. Or at least the things were suppose to think he is: big, good, just, everlasting, caring to name a few. She admitted she had trouble believing any of that right now. Then i said knowing in her head who God is and seeing her heart laid out on the map what God would say to her. I gave her a blank sheet of paper and wrote her name at the top of the page as if it was a letter addressed to her. I told her God had been here before us at starbucks and had left this note for her. She just had to write out what he had already written for her. She did not like the idea, but i left the page in front of her and did some writing of my own. I think God left a note for me as well. She was looking off into nothing or at least anywhere but the paper. A long time later in the silence she wrote something down on the page. I wondered what Got said, i wondered how he could make sense of the **** she was young through, I wondered if he would answer her questions or present a challenge to her; a step faith. When i looked up and saw what it said i was moved to tears at the profoundly simplistic statement her note from God read.

It was just three words,

I love you.
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